Getting divorced, wasn't an easy decision for me, believe me, it took years of ups and downs before I made the decision.
It was tough because it went against my hopes and dreams of having one home for my children, since I grew up with parents that was split.
However, after years of not feeling well and not being able to sort things out, I took the first step, which meant I moved out and we continued as married but separated. The moving day I had so many emotions inside of me, and the anxiety caught me for a while.
How could I experience anxiety, what was I anxious about, this was my decision?
What I learnt was that fear doesn't mean something is wrong, it's ok to be scared and do it anyway and it takes a lot of courage to do so.
I mean, hey, I was also sick in the healing phase of my burnout, on sick leave, nothing in place, no security what so ever, no wonder I had doubts and fears, the only thing I had was my gut feeling telling me this is what's needed for me. I had fought against my intuition for so many years, and I had finally, thanks to my burnout no other choice than to surrender and listen.
"You can't heal in the same environment that made you sick" and "Your wounds will never heal if they're not given the space to breath and regenerate". Idk who's behind the first quote, the second is from Patricia Williams. Either way, both are so true and share the same meaning.
I want to tell you something, because this is something I've reflected on both from my own experience but also by listening to some of my girls, you can't always see what's wrong with the environment, but it doesn't mean it's right.
Now I know what wasn't working in my marriage, but to give you an example that hasn't to do with relationship, I was at a workplace last year where there were many employees that loved and thrived in the environment, but I got sick by being there. I saw so many happy people, doing an amazing job, but I? I felt like I was dying on the inside. I used all my personal tools and coaching tools, trying to make it work, because as I said, it looked good.
I had to realise there wasn't anything wrong with the environment and there wasn't anything wrong with me, we were just not an energetic match.
If there's something I've learnt, it's that my intuition is my guidance system, when I listen to her, I know what to do, and even if I'm scared, it'll always make sense and feel better than I can imagine after I've listened.
It starts with you, you have to build up your trust in yourself, gorgeous. Trust your gut.
It's been 4,5 years since I separated and 4 years since the divorce went through, and honestly I can say that it was all worth it. The peace I've created within me, and around me is worth more than I can ever express with words. I healed and I'm exactly where I am supposed to be. I'm happy, my boys are happy and their dad too. Someone had to have the courage to make that tough decision for us, but it was a win for us all.
XoXo
Terese
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