If you only knew how painful it is, you wouldn't add anything to her life, you'd do your best to help her unload as much as possible.
Burnout is not a weak people cause, it's the strong people who tried to be and do everything, without any breaks, without asking for help, without showing any vulnerability, without any complaints. She can do it all, she doesn't need anyone, she is strong, nothing or no one can take her down, or?
This takes you through tough times, and it works for a while, but it won't last forever.
While I am working behind the scenes today, on a bigger project that will take me months, maybe year to complete, I have to go back in my mind, do some digging work, from that time when I had gotten to the point of burnout, when I started my healing journey.
Thinking back, I make some reflections and insights of such an incredible strength I still had inside me, to take myself through that time.
A time where anxiety was constantly present, anxiety attacks were parts of my days and nights, my senses were highly affected, sounds and sights felt like knives in my ears and eyes, my senses in my arms got lost off and on. Some days I managed quite good, others I had to lay on the side in my bed, with one ear against one pillow, another pillow on the other ear, feeling the pulse racing, triggering the anxiety, and I had to breath through it. There was no other way than to just go through it.
It was like living in a constant rollercoaster, not knowing where or when the ups and downs would arrive.
Yes, I had days where it almost felt like "normal", and I thought I was healed and healthy, and then there were days when I was so sick and bad that I forgot all about those good days, thinking I hadn't made any progress.
One of the most challenging parts with mental illnesses is that there's not an exact timeline like there is with let's say a broken leg. The doctor usually know how long time it'll take for the leg to heal, but this is not the case with a mental illness. Neither you or the doctor know how long you have been pushing yourself way past your limits. Burnout doesn't happen over night, and it's not coming from ONE thing. It may be one thing that pushes you over the final limit, but that is not the only cause.
I know how devastating it is to hear the words. I asked my doctor when I got sick "How long does this take?", no need to explain I was a control freak back then, thinking I can do it all, remember "I can do it all by myself, I don't need anyone" mindset.
You can only imagine how it was to hear this response;
"I don't know Terese, I honestly don't know. This is what is tricky with mental illnesses. You may be good in two weeks, two months, two years, or maybe you'll never fully recover". Then she added;
"But with your mindset, there's a good chance you will".
I din't know how to react, what to think. I shifted between "Fu** this, I'm not accepting this!!" and "okay, what kind of life is this?".
My love, if you are going through a burnout, or any other tough time at the moment, know everything is possible. There is a big chance with a great outcome as well. I couldn't even read anything back then, nothing stuck. I couldn't keep a longer conversation. Today I read books regularly, I've taken and am taking courses, masterclasses and have started my own coaching business, to help women who wants to build up their life after a burnout, or just want to improve their quality of life. Those Life Coach, Self Love Coach, and NLP certificates I have accomplished, represents that everything is possible.
Something that made a huge difference for me, was when I stopped thinking about all the things I couldn't do anymore, and started to explore new ways of being <3
Have you experienced burnout?
XoXo
Terese
Comments