It was a challenge for me to be able to express my feelings when I was healing from my burnout. I was still married back then, and I had no experience from a burnout, neither did my husband. It was like being on an energy rollercoaster, never knowing when the highs, lows, or something in between would come.
I remember myself being and feeling so fragile.
There were many challenges, and one of them was not being able to be the mom I wanted to be. One specific weekend morning comes to my mind, I woke up, and I wanted to join our little family at the breakfast table.
We got a moment with some fun and joy, which shifted quite quickly when hb started talking about everything we "needed" to do in the garden and in the house. All the chores you know. And while he was rambling, what felt like, this long list with things to do, I could feel how the little energy I had ran out of me. The little smile I had, the little joy I had felt was gone. I couldn't deal with all these "musts".
Probably because my need wasn't all these other things, my need was to be, to rest, to recover, and to fill my energy tank.
Yes, I understand when you're working full-time Monday to Friday, and are living in a house, some chores must be made on the weekends. That wasn't the issue. The issue was how it was communicated. He only spoke as he was thinking and feeling (tired of everything he felt that was needed to be done), and I couldn't say why this was killing me, because I didn't know. It was just too much. It got overwhelming with a "list".
I truly believe it would've been different if we just had enjoyed that breakfast without that talk, and afterwards if he had suggested for us to go out and start with one of the things, it could or could not have led to us doing several of those. But instead, I went back to bed, feeling drained and unhappy.
I'm not blaming anyone of us here, we both lacked the communication skills that was needed.
This was one of the reasons why I didn't fully enjoyed weekends during my healing journey, because of all of the "musts".
If I can give you an advice, if you're on your healing journey now, it'd be, try working on your communication skills. Instead of focusing on what isn't working, try to figure out what might be working. Don't be afraid to communicate this to your partner. They don't know what you need either, but hopefully he or she is willing to learn with you <3
I wish you a beautiful and loving weekend
xoxo
Terese
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