- Do you want to go..
- NO
I didn't leave any opening to start negotiating my no. It was better to say no directly, than risking having to cancel last minute and disappointing others.
It was my strategy to protect myself, and others from being let down.
I had folded so many times before my burnout, and even if I tried so many times saying no to participate in social events (that I didn't have the energy for), it always ended up with me going anyway to please someone else or to no risk letting anyone else down. Unfortunately, I didn't take it seriously how many times I was letting myself down.
The burnout was a total blackout, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I had zero energy left.
Thanks to the burnout and my therapy, it opened my eyes and forced me to make some drastic changes.
It was exhausting to keep up with that charade, and often disappoint myself and others, that's why it was better to say no straight away, than risking canceling last minute or saying maybe instead of no even if I wanted to say no (which I knew).
Today, I'm more straightforward, I say yes if I want to, no if that's what I want, or thank you, let me think about it (if it's a true maybe, something I want to do, but need to have a look if it's suitable) and get back to you.
However, my advice to you, something I also learnt by practising, and you better believe it was a tough one for me, is to be transparent with your loved ones, let them know how you feel. Maybe you're on a good energy day when they're asking and you want to say yes straight away, but you're worried that the day for the actual event, you'll have a low energy day. Let them know!
You can say something like this "Oh, this sounds so much fun, and I'd love to go. However, I'm currently not feeling well, and wonder if it's possible to keep the answer open?".
I know, I know, vulnerability can be scary, it's a practise thing, but the positive thing with this practise is that you'll learn which people are your people (yup, the ones who tries to understand).
Maybe just saying no is what you can do right now, if you're at the beginning of a burnout, and don't have the energy to develop your answer.
Listen to what it is that YOU need, and do you.
Much Love
Your Women's Life & Self-Love Coach
Terese
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